and will most likely stay that way...


oh bah!

haven't submitted anything in a while...no real desire to. i'll just keep looking at all the other art that is better than mine

well yah...sort of wondered today why i put myself thru all sorts of crap...had to do these crap aptitude tests for a job today...maybe i should just work in my crappy job the rest of my life and save myself the traffic, parking problems and dealing with incompetent secretaries.

it's quite a nice job and i was quite optimistic about it until they told me i need to get quite a high mark and the tests turned out to be damn difficult.....and i thought i was finished with exams/test after i graduated

it takes nothing like a drug/alcohol binge, a good shopping spree and a brilliant live concert to put things in perspective. well, not that perspective means much. just kind of gives you a reason for doing the things you did.

knowing that helps a bit tho. can help prevent slightly destructive behaviour next time...i guess...that kinda behaviour is appropriate..some times...well for me anyhow...every now and then need to ... just let go...

and aferwards i'm fine (in the loosest possible sense of the word)...until the nest time of course. but that's just life...more accurately: my life.

i was browsing for poetry and came across [link] whose journal entry of Thu Nov 20, 2003, 4:04 AM referred to [link]
so i tried the exercise myself....

a = attitude
b = belief that everything will be alright
c = crossroads, always
d = dark
e = earl gray tea ( what makes life tolerable in these terrible times)
f = fuck (my favourite word)
g = growing up sucks
h = humans screw things up
i= indulgence
j = justice does not exist
k = kernel (as in linux kernel, no i'm not a geek)
l = laziness
m = magickal
n = never let them get you down!
o = oblivion
p = passive
q = quintessential
r = rules should be broken
s = stirring the cauldron
t = tormented
u = unidentified
v = vacuum
w = wishful thinking
x = xanadu
y = yearning
z = zero

my name:
M-magickal
A-attitude
R-rules should be broken
C-crossroads, always
I-indulgence
A-attitude

(ye x2 attitude!!)

i'm in a crappy mood. it's not exactly happy or content and not exactly sad. i'm eating a lot. no i'm not one of those depressed people who binge and then hugs the toilet afterward or beat themselves up for eating so much.

i merely feel crap, eat a lot, maybe get drunk, stoned, high whatever, and then i get over it.

i have a feeling it might take a while for me to get over it. but that's ok. as long there is chocolate